10 Myths About Weddings
10.08.2015
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Jules Young, Datura Photo | Wedding Photographer in Utah
Disclaimer!: When I refer to bride and groom, I'm thinking of all you same sex couples too. Replace the wording to whatever applies to you :)
#1. Weddings have to be HUGE
What?! Your wedding can be whatever size you want it to be. Your wedding, your vision. There are no strict rules demanding you put on a huge wedding.And hey, you might have a family that wants you to have a grandious wedding, but in the end, this isn't their day, it's yours and the person you're marrying.
Maybe the person you're marrying wants a huge wedding. Is it ok to compromise with your fiance on the size of your wedding? Absolutely! Maybe compromise by having a small ring ceremony and a giant party afterward, or have a huge ceremony and only invite a few close friends to party with you that night. Weigh your options and find middle ground. You'll have to do this all the time when you're married, so you might as well practice now ;)
#2 Your wedding dress has to be white
Ok, everyone will say you look much more like a bride in a white dress, but don't let others sway your opinions if you’re not feeling a white dress. White dresses originally were worn to signify a woman’s sexual “purity” and I feel like our world and culture has changed so much that we don’t need to show off if a bride is a virgin or not…. Obviously no one will be speculating regardless of your dress color, but remember, this is a celebration for you and your partner. Do what feels right for you. If a traditional white dress is the bridal look you’re after, by all means, GO GOR IT. If you’d rather have a blush or black wedding dress for your big day, GO FOR IT. Is it anyone elses job to tell you what to wear on your wedding day? Not in this country! (Unless you're Hindi, but red dresses are gorgeous, so can you really complain?)
Other tips on non-white dresses:
If you're set on a dress that isn't white, be careful planning your wedding. It's easy to get caught up in "wedding mode", looking at hundreds of photos for inspiration, seeing one type of dress in boutiques, and watching ladies choose white after white on "Say Yes to the Dress". You may feel like giving in to a more traditional wedding gown after being exposed to all this. But don't lose sight of your vision if a white dress isn’t your thing.
What do you want to express on your wedding day? Make sure every decision you make expresses you and your significant other the way you'd like. If a white dress isn't you, don't wear one. Surprise your guests!
#3 Wedding traditions must be followed
Eh, nope. Don't want to throw your bouquet at your wedding? Don't throw your bouquet. You don't want to do a garter toss or even wear a garter? Who says you have to? If you want to do things differently, say, have your bridal party dressed up like fairies and winnie the pooh, go for it. "What about everyone who will judge me?" Come on, of course people will judge you for any decision you make, because people think their way of doing things is the only right way of doing things. But what right does anyone have to judge you for planning your wedding day the way you envision it? Wether it’s traditional, low-key, gothic, or freakin Winnie the Pooh themed, it’s your day.
Dr. Seuss has a perfect quote: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." And you know what? He's right.
#4 You will feel amazing the whole day of your wedding!
I'm laughing with this one, because yeah, you'll remember your wedding as the most amazing day of your life, but in reality, you'll feel a million things that aren't so amazing. Before the ceremony you'll probably get butterflies, you might want to throw up, you'll start seeing things with tunnel vision, you might hypervenalate or even have a full on panic attack. You'll probably forget a bunch of things on your to-do list the day of your wedding. You might even forget how to drive that day (maybe that's why couples use limousines so often!), and almost every couple forgets to eat enough and is starving by reception time. Your face will hurt from smiling so much and your feet will want to fall off if you're in heels. Even the drunkest of brides tell me how ridiculously nervous they are before the ceremony. Expect these things and roll with the punches!
How to alleviate wedding anxiety?: Stay focused. You don't want to be so anxious that you forget the whole day. Try to take it all in, notice the details.
And don't forget to drink plenty of water, eat, and BREATHE!
#5 All those guests taking I-phone photos (and videos) are totally going to give you their footage!
This one makes me sad. Everyone gets super into documenting your wedding on their cell phone, but you'll probably never ever see what they've taken. It's really rare for the couples to get the photos wedding guests have taken unless you make it clear that you have a place for your guests to upload their photos --and make sure they do it the day of your wedding--! A couple places I'd recommend (that I'm not sponsored by but have heard good things about) are Wedpics and WeddingPartyApp. A lot of couples use a wedding hashtag as well.
Buuuuuut you may want to think about having an unplugged wedding, because you probably won't see any of the photos and videos anyway, and the photos from your professional photographer will turn out SO much better if your guests put their cell phones and cameras down and focus on your day. It's so irritating watching wedding guests experience weddings through their cell phone. It's my job (and whoever you hired for your wedding photography) to capture the day through a lens, let everyone else experience it in real time! It's ridiculous how many I-phones I get in every wedding ceremony I photograph. In my professional experience, I say go unplugged, at LEAST during your ceremony (please!!!!).
If you're thinking "what the hell is an unplugged wedding?", it's where you let your guests know the only one taking photos is the photographer you hired and that guests need to put their phone, camera, and videocamera down and enjoy the wedding.
#6 The brides family has to pay for everything.
Hold on, what if they aren't financially able to pay for the wedding? There's a middle ground for everything. I recommend you and your fiance meet with the bride's parents separately and the groom's parents separately and discuss all the financial aspects of the wedding. Discover how much the bride's parents can put toward the wedding, how much the groom's parents can put toward the wedding, and how much you and your fiance are able and willing to put toward the wedding.
Older generations like to be sticklers to the "rule" when it comes to tradition, but let any disagreers know that you live in a different generation and this is what you've decided is the best option for your wedding. If anyone feels too strongly about this tradition, tell that person to pay for it all themself! They might change their mind.
#7 This wedding is throwing money away because you're doomed for divorce anyway
Let me be clear on this one. Marriages will work if you remember to do the work required to sustain a healthy relationship. If you're not putting in the work, it will probably fall apart. If your significant other isn't putting in his work, keep doing your part. But please please please, before you get married, discuss the battles you'll inevitably face, and come up with a gameplan for how you will handle the situation. Chances are, when you're in the moment, you won't remember your gameplan, but if you have both discussed what you're willing to do to make the marriage work, you will find a solution.
Your first year, maybe even first three years of marriage will be HARD. Even if you lived together beforehand. Everyone wants a blissful, perfect relationship, and no two people are ever 100% in sync with their emotions, attitudes, and experiences on a daily basis. Every person needs support, love, and understanding. And even though gorgeous gifts and surprises are fun and make you feel special, those things are only sprinkles on the cake. Without the frosting and cake, those sprinkles will end up making a mess you'll both have to clean up.
Before your wedding, make sure you're over the intoxicating infatuation phase.
And please be engaged for one full year before the wedding. Use that year to thoroughly plan your wedding without the stress of rushing.
Then have your party and enjoy it!
#8 You have to put childhood photos of you and your fiance all over the reception site.
This can be really cute but I see it all the time. We have Facebook where you can put those photos, why not get extra creative with your decor? If you still want to use childhood photos, why not find or hire someone to photoshop the photos into Star Wars characters or make it look like you and your fiance were best friends at age 5? Entertain your guests! And help your elders out by printing any photos you have at the reception larger than 4x6 and 5x7. Weddings with a few 11x14 photos leave a better impression than a hundred 4x6 snapshots. (My vote is on canvas prints, they're classy, don't need frames, and will look great no matter where they're placed at the wedding and after the wedding.
#9 You'll have so much leftover from the wedding, you won't know what to do with it all.
Ok, maybe some things, like if you have a 10 foot tall cake and expect guests to devour it. But you can avoid the leftover plague by making it very clear how much guests can eat of your food, how much guests can take home, where the favors are and what your guests are to do with the favors, and if there's a grand exit with sparklers or bubbles, make sure everyone knows and is told beforehand.
You'll have a better chance at people understanding etiquette if you clearly point it out for them. Make some wedding signs for the reception. Here are some ideas to get inspired:
Favors! Please take one
You being here means the world to me, please don't forget to gift yourself with this wedding favor! Take two if you mean business.
This food won't eat itself, if there's still food, you're still hungry. Eat up!
Treat yourself! No really, you need to try these, they're delicious.
~ F A V O R S ~
Have your cake and eat it too! (This is my wedding, calories don't count.)
Calories don't count at this party. It's time to splurge!
PS: These sayings will soon be featured on adorable signs featured in the Datura wedding shop.
#10 Videography isn't as important as photography
Ahhhh! No! Stop! They are so incredibly equal. Yes, wedding photography is priceless and having a wedding album will mean so much to you and generations to come. But hiring a videographer doesn't mean you have to have a 20 minute montage that nobody will watch. Invest in someone who will do a gorgeous 3 minute video that your friends and family will actually enjoy, and maybe have them do a 10 minute video of the day just for you and your spouse. If you hire the right person, video can be the most beautiful cinematic experience in the world.
And yes, I do videography as well as photography, and I would LOVE to do video for your wedding. But the main point is, don't forget about videography, and don't think that they are worth hundreds or thousands less than your photographer. Post-production time can be less time-consuming for the videographer, but not usually. If you want to see some of my favorite wedding videos by respected videographers, shoot me a message and I'll send you a list of my favorites. Vimeo is a great place to find talented videographers in your area.
